Forlorn Hope
by Ember Mage
Summary: No matter what, they say that the truth always prevails. And this truth says that she can't have him.


**Disclaimer:** Meitantei Conan/Detective Conan and all its characters are as of Aoyama Gosho's property. I hold no legal claim over any of his works and ideas. 

In case you don't know who Haibara Ai is, she first appears in vol. 18 (the 4th or 5th season in the anime) and is the creator of the drug that shrunk Shinichi. Before she changed her name into Ai, she was known as Shiho or her codename, Sherry. She had stopped her research on the drug when she had found out that the Dark Syndicate (AKA Black Organization) murdered her sister, Akemi. Because of this, Shiho was going to be executed, but before her execution, Shiho took her own untested drug to kill herself, but instead, she shrunk into a younger girl and her hand was small enough to pull through from her handcuffs. Before she left the group, she hacked into the Black Organization's database and changed Shinichi's status from "MISSING" to "DEAD."

Shiho ran away and ended up at Shinichi's house, in hope of finding him to warn him. But instead, his neighbor, Dr. Agasa found her. She told him her story and he adopted her. They changed her name into Haibara Ai. Ai's now a student in Conan's class and they usually discuss about the Black Organization. At first Conan distrusts her, but now he treats her like a friend.

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**Forlorn Hope**

**By Ember Mage**

* * *

"Conan-kun! It's time to go home!" called Ran, running into Dr. Agasa's laboratory. The little boy sitting next to Ai sprang up from his seat and eagerly dashed to Ran's side, waving goodbye at his friends. "Say goodbye to Agasa-hakase and Ai-kun." 

"Bye, Haibara!" Conan yelled as he and Ran turned to leave the room hand in hand, continuously waving at the scientists and shouting farewells.

The door made a sickeningly loud sound as it closed with a _THUD_.

Just like how Ai's heart felt every day.

It had been always like this.

Why?

Why was fate so cruel?

Ai refused to look at the departing couple, but she saw them anyway through the reflection of the computer monitor. The reflection reminded her of a painting in a nearby museum her class had paid a recent trip to. 3 people - 2 of them were happy and neglecting the last one in the darkness. You merely know who those people resemble.

This wasn't fair.

But then again, life was never fair.

Overtime, Ai had started to see the light and become bathed in it. She had learned the aspects of how life can be beautiful and not as horrible as her childhood. Thanks to a man in a boy's body named Edogawa Conan she was able to figure this out. But life started to become wretched again.

Life had made her cry in pain and ripped her family away from her. Life had made the whole Black Organization search for her in hopes of killing her. Life had brought her to Edogawa Conan. Life had...

She couldn't remember the last time she felt this desolated.

The dishwater blonde turned away from the computer screen and focused her thoughts on Conan. How innocent he was, and how perfect he shall be. He had insisted that he would never leave any of his friends behind, including her. It was lucky of her to be considered as Conan's friend, but Ai wanted more from him.

She couldn't remember the last time she felt this greedy.

Ai always managed to keep her emotions from taking over her, but she couldn't help but feel jealous of Mouri Ran. No one understood her like Kudo did. He always knew what she was thinking, what she was sensing, and whether something was troubling her or not. Kudo always patiently spent time with her, minute by minute, as if he were some child psychologist. It was like he could read her mind.

Kudo loved Mouri. It was obvious. Since they first met they were best friends. Friendship grew into love. How Ai would love to feel Kudo pledge his eternal love to her, onto to realize that she can only dream about this.

Thanks to Kudo's beloved angel, she could only dream.

Dreams aren't reality.

Mouri Ran. Codename Angel.

She had been Kudo's everything. It was obvious of how he could like her. It wasn't that Ai hated her. She was everything that Ai was not - graceful, kind, sweet, and optimistic. Ai was surely the opposite - cold, harsh, and pessimistic. But maybe because Ai had a horrible childhood - watching her parents get killed, forced to work in a crime syndicate, and losing her older sister along with this. Ran, like Shinichi, had been kind to her, and willing to free her from her confines. But this was the only thing keeping them from setting her free - her undying love for Kudo.

Ai hadn't realized it then. Ever since she first met Shinichi in the form of Conan, she was surprised at whatever he did, though her face usually remained emotionless. Everybody loved Conan. He was mostly serious and extremely nice to others around him. After sticking by his side and discussing about the Black Organization, Ai had betrayed herself.

By falling in love with him.

She had known Kudo and Mouri were meant to be. In fact, everyone knew. But she had refused to believe it. She wanted him to herself. Only to herself. Only for herself. With no one else to interfere in their love.

Ai wanted to be free, and soar around like a bird, and to share the breathless experience with him. Only him. She spent nights dreaming of herself and Kudo, free from the clutches of the Black Organization, and enjoying life just like normal 7 and 8 year olds would do.

Greed took over Ai's heart once more.

Ai stared blankly at the computer monitor, using Dr. Agasa's new program to balance out the chemicals for a permanent antidote of the APTX 4869. The drug that had shrunk her and Kudo, and also pulled Kudo away from his angel.

It was her.

She was the experiment drug's creator.

Haibara Ai.

Miyano Shiho.

Codename Sherry.

She would never forgive herself for hurting him.

For making him suffer through all the emotional pain he and his angel went through, and not to mention putting him in the line of the dead. Vermouth could strike any moment, especially when she knew that "Cool Kid" was Shinichi and Ai was Sherry.

_I hate you, Kudo_, she thought angrily, but no matter how much she thought this, she still loved him. And that could never change. She hated feeling like this. It was crystal clear that Kudo loved Mouri and not her. That could never change either.

She couldn't remember the last time she felt this angry.

She wished her emotions were gone. She wanted no more pain, suffering, and forlorn hope that erupted from her feelings. No emotions to distract her from achieving her goal to find a cure for the mistake she made.

_Desolation_.

Unaware of her actions, Ai picked up a nearby beaker and slammed it with all the might of her childish arms to the linoleum floor. The glass cup shattered into dozens of pieces and scattered around the tile floors, as if the person who broke it didn't care.

Just like what Kudo had done to her heart.

Clueless and oblivious of how much he hurt her by not returning her true feelings.

"Ai-kun! Are you all right?" exclaimed Dr. Agasa in worry as he scrambled into the room, frantically searching for a broom to pick up all of the glass pieces.

Ai didn't hear him.

No one listened to her. No one cared.

Just like how her life was before she crawled out of the dark.

Death seemed like less of a punishment than what she was currently going through.

_I hate you, Kudo._

Another voice in her mind whispered,"No, you don't."

No more lies. No more confusion. No more of this.

She wanted it all to stop.

Ai ignored her surroundings, and hopped out of Dr. Agasa's tall chair. She left the lab with her white lab coat dragging over the tiled floor, feeling exactly as the third person did in the painting. The last of what Dr. Agasa saw of her was the ends of her coat disappearing into the shadows of a dark room.

She needed to be alone.


End file.
